Helping Your Young Child Solve Conflicts

The central technique is surprisingly straightforward: instead of giving your child directions, you pose open-ended questions that encourage independent thinking. For instance, if two children both want the same toy, rather than saying 'Share,' you can ask, 'What do you think we could do so everyone gets a turn?' This approach prompts your child to come up with options, think about others' feelings, and realize the consequences of different choices.

Throughout Raising a Thinking Child, you'll find many real-life examples and dialogues. The book teaches you how to incorporate word games, role-playing, and storytelling to foster empathy and problem-solving abilities. It highlights that there is no single correct answer—the aim is to help children become adaptable and imaginative thinkers who feel confident in social situations.

Simple Techniques That Build Independence

One particularly effective strategy is asking 'What might happen next?' This encourages your child to think ahead, helping them develop impulse control and anticipate outcomes. Another method is 'alternative solutions thinking,' where you assist your child in coming up with several different solutions to a problem before deciding which one to try.

These techniques are integrated into everyday activities—during meals, playdates, or even while reading bedtime stories. The book offers a progressive, step-by-step guide for different age groups, allowing you to start with basic ideas and gradually introduce more complex ones. Many parents notice that after a few weeks, their children start using the language on their own, saying things like 'I have an idea!' or 'Maybe we could take turns.'

Feedback from Families

Families frequently report that this book transforms the atmosphere at home. Sibling arguments become briefer and less heated. Kids who used to have trouble sharing start coming up with their own solutions. A recurring observation is that the techniques diminish power struggles between parent and child by helping children feel competent and valued.

Although the approach does require consistent practice, the benefits are substantial. Children discover that they can manage conflicts and frustrations on their own—an ability that benefits them at school and in making friends.

Will This Suit Your Family?

If you have a child aged 4 to 7, Raising a Thinking Child is an invaluable resource. It's especially helpful for families experiencing frequent sibling rivalry, shyness, or challenges with sharing. The methods also work for children with developmental delays because they emphasize concrete, logical steps.

The book is written in a warm, accessible manner with plenty of examples. No special training is required—only a readiness to try something different. Many parents find that the skills they learn also enhance their own communication, making the entire family more empathetic and solution-oriented.

This book doesn't promise instant results. But with regular use, you'll witness your child becoming a more thoughtful, independent problem-solver. And you'll experience more peaceful days together.

A Resource Every Parent Can Use

Raising young children brings immense joy, but also plenty of conflict. From squabbles with siblings to disagreements on the playground, everyday challenges can leave parents feeling frustrated and uncertain about how to respond. Raising a Thinking Child offers a different approach: instead of fixing problems for your child, you can show them how to work through solutions on their own. This method builds lifelong skills and makes daily life calmer and more cooperative.

Created by child psychologist Myrna Shure, the strategies have been used by families around the world. The focus is on helping children aged 4 to 7 develop what Dr. Shure calls 'ICPS' (Interpersonal Cognitive Problem Solving) skills. But you don't need to remember the acronym—just the simple, play-based techniques that transform conflict into learning moments.