About the Author, Adam Phillips

Adam Phillips is a celebrated psychoanalyst and essayist, born in Cardiff, Wales, and trained at the Tavistock Clinic in London. He has written over twenty books, including On Kissing, Tickling, and Being Bored and Missing Out. Known for his elegant prose and ability to make complex psychological ideas accessible, Phillips explores the tensions between what we want and what we think we should want. Critics have praised him as one of the greatest living writers on the mind.

What Is On Wanting to Change About?

In On Wanting to Change, Adam Phillips turns his focus to a fundamental human desire: the wish to change. Whether it’s altering a habit, a relationship, or a way of thinking, he argues that our ideas about change are often shaped by unspoken assumptions about what we think we should be. Rather than offering a prescriptive guide, the book invites readers to examine their own relationship with change and consider that not changing might be just as important. Phillips draws on his clinical experience and psychoanalytic theory to explore how we are both drawn to and fearful of transformation. He suggests that our desire to change is often tangled with a desire for control, and that true change might require letting go of certainty. Written in his lucid, aphoristic style, this book challenges readers to think differently about evolution.

Key Themes Explored in the Book

A central theme is the paradox of intentional change. Phillips questions whether we can deliberately change without first understanding our resistance. He uses examples from literature, philosophy, and practice to illustrate how change often happens sideways, through insight and acceptance. Another important theme is the role of uncertainty. Phillips contends that living with less certainty and more spontaneity can be a form of psychological freedom. He encourages tolerating not knowing and embracing gaps in understanding, seeing the wish to change as a sign of aliveness. The book also examines change and identity: if we change, are we still ourselves? Phillips explores this with nuance, suggesting identity is a process, not fixed. He offers a compassionate view of the difficulty of change, acknowledging that our patterns, even painful ones, feel like home.

Why This Book Resonates with Readers

Readers have found On Wanting to Change to be a stimulating and empathetic read. Many appreciate how Phillips offers bite-sized insights that allow kindness and patience with oneself when grappling with life’s challenges. Others highlight his unique perspective that encourages living with less certainty and more spontaneity. The book has been described as a treasure for its brilliant linguistic style and deep psychoanalytic understanding. While some note it is written from an insider’s perspective, many lay readers still find wisdom in its pages. The overwhelming sentiment is that Phillips’s approach is both humane and thought-provoking.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this book a self-help guide?

Not exactly. While it offers insights applicable to personal growth, On Wanting to Change is more of a philosophical meditation on the nature of change. It does not provide step-by-step instructions but instead encourages reflection.

Do I need a background in psychology to understand it?

No. Phillips writes in an accessible style, though he draws on psychoanalytic concepts. Some familiarity with Freud and Winnicott may enrich the reading, but it is not required.

What makes this book different from other books on change?

Unlike many books that treat change as a problem to be solved, Phillips sees it as a paradox to be explored. He values resistance to change as much as the desire for it, offering a more nuanced and compassionate perspective.